This International Women's Day, we're not writing another guide for women. We're talking to the men — with practical, honest advice on what workplace feminism for men actually looks like, from the women who work alongside them every day.
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Every International Women's Day, the internet fills up with advice for women. Lean in. Speak up. Negotiate harder. Work on your confidence. And look, we're not dismissing any of that. Building confidence and taking up space are real, valuable skills, and we work on them, too.
But here's what we're tired of: the idea that workplace inequality is primarily our problem to solve.
For decades, most "women's empowerment" advice has been aimed squarely at women. The self-help shelves are full of it. And while personal growth matters, there's something a little off about a system that responds to structural inequality by handing women another to-do list.
We didn't build the structures that hold us back. So this year, we're talking to the men. Not to lecture, but because the male allies who actually get it are the ones who make the biggest difference. And most of them just need a nudge in the right direction.
Consider this your nudge.
A note before we go further: At The English Center, most of our trainers are women, and our founder Brenda de Jong-Pauley has been building this company since 2009. So when we say "we" in this post, we mean it. This one comes from experience.
Also: This post focuses primarily on the dynamic between men and women in the workplace, but we know that's not the whole picture. Non-binary, gender-nonconforming, and female-presenting colleagues navigate all of these same dynamics, and often more. When we say "women" throughout this post, we mean everyone who experiences the workplace that way. We see you, and this is for you, too.
When women feel undervalued at work, we're often told we have "imposter syndrome", as if the problem is a glitch in our thinking rather than a pattern in our environment. But if your ideas are regularly talked over, your promotions keep going to someone else, and your wins quietly get absorbed into the team's success, feeling like an outsider isn't irrational. It's a perfectly reasonable response to an unreasonable situation.
The ally* move here isn't to tell us to "be more confident." It's to look at the room and ask: is this actually a fair environment? Confidence grows naturally when the system supports it. So instead of pointing us toward another workshop, try changing what's happening in the meeting.
*Ally: A person who belongs to a dominant or privileged group but who actively supports and advocates for the rights, inclusion, and equity of a marginalized or underrepresented group. Being an ally is an ongoing process of learning, listening, and taking action to help dismantle systemic barriers.
Here's something we notice a lot in professional settings: men tend to state opinions as facts. It's often unconscious, but it shapes the entire dynamic of a conversation.
"That won't work."
"The market doesn't want this."
"This is the best approach."
These aren't facts. They're perspectives. Opinions. And when information is stated in the present simple, opinions can sound definitive and factual — even when they’re just opinions. Discussion can be shut down before it starts.
The fix can be found in "I statements" and "hedged language." These don't make you sound weak. They make you sound like someone who's thought carefully but is still open to opposing opinions.
Instead of:
“That won’t work.”
Try:
“I’m not convinced that’s the right direction — can we dig into why?”
Instead of:
“The market doesn’t want this.”
Try:
“My read on the market is different. I’d like to look at the data together.”
Instead of:
“This is the best approach.”
Try:
“I think this is our strongest option — here’s my reasoning.”
One sounds like a closed door. The other opens a conversation. And incidentally, women are often criticized for using hedged language and told it makes them sound unconfident. Maybe the problem was never the hedging. Maybe it was always the double standard.
We've all been in that meeting. A woman makes a point, the room moves on, and then — five minutes later — a man says essentially the same thing and suddenly it's a great idea.
The fix is simple and costs nothing. When you hear a good idea get overlooked, bring it back: "I want to return to what [Name] said earlier — I think that's a really good point." Credit stays where it belongs. Everyone notices. It matters more than you think.
Someone has to book the meeting room, chase the signatures, organize the team lunch, and remember that it's someone's birthday. And somehow, that someone is almost always a woman.
These tasks aren't trivial, they just don't show up on a performance review. They eat into the time we could be spending on the work that actually gets us promoted. Researchers call them "non-promotable tasks," and studies consistently show they fall disproportionately on women.
But here's what makes it sting a little more: for many of us, this is the second shift.
At home, the mental load — the appointments, the grocery lists, the school admin, the birthday cards, the knowing-that-we're-running-low-on-everything — still falls predominantly on women, whether or not we also work full time. We're not just managing our careers. We're managing everyone else's lives at the same time, largely invisibly, largely without acknowledgment.
So when we walk into the office and find ourselves volunteered (again) to take the notes, order the sandwiches, and coordinate the leaving gift for someone we barely know, it's not a small thing. It's the same old story, just with a different backdrop.
And while we're on the subject — a quick word about weaponized incompetence. That's when someone does a task so badly, or with such theatrical helplessness, that they never get asked to do it again. Loading the dishwasher "wrong." Buying the wrong thing at the grocery store. Sending an email that somehow makes everything worse. It can be unconscious, but the effect is the same: the task lands back on her. Every time. If you recognize this pattern in yourself, that's actually a great first step. The second step is to just... learn how to do the thing.
The fix at work is simple: don't wait for someone to volunteer. Step up and say "I'll take the notes today" or "I'll handle the logistics." It won't solve the bigger picture overnight. But it's one less thing, and one less thing genuinely matters.
This one's important, and we're going to be direct about it.
When a woman tells you that something you said or did made her feel dismissed, undermined, or uncomfortable, the most common response is: "I didn't mean it like that."
We know. We believe you. But here's the thing: "I didn't mean to" is not an apology. It's a defense. It centers your feelings at exactly the moment that hers need to come first.
Intent matters, but impact is what people actually live with. When someone tells you that your words landed badly, the goal isn't to explain yourself. It's to listen.
So instead of: “I didn’t mean it like that — you’re reading too much into it.”
Try: “I hear you. That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it came across that way. I’ll be more mindful.”
No drama. No groveling. Just take accountability.
Some of the most important moments for being a male ally happen nowhere near the office — in the group chat, at a bar, at a dinner with friends. And that's often where it's hardest to say something.
We're not asking you to deliver a TED Talk every time someone makes a questionable joke. But silence tends to read as agreement. A simple "Come on, that's a bit much" or a deadpan "I don't get it — what's funny about that?" is usually enough. Forcing someone to explain a sexist joke is one of the most effective ways to end one.
The same principle applies at work. If a colleague describes a woman as "difficult" or "too emotional," push back with a sincere, "What do you mean by that? When Mark does the same thing, we call it strong leadership." You don't have to make it a big moment. Just don't let it slide.
Here's something we want to acknowledge: a lot of men genuinely want to practice workplace feminism but aren't sure how. And many are so afraid of coming across as patronizing, performative, or (let's say it) creepy, that they overcorrect in the other direction entirely. They become distant and overly cautious, even cold.
We get it. But that overcorrection has its own cost.
When men become so cautious that they stop engaging with female colleagues naturally — no jokes, no casual conversation, no spontaneous coffee invites — they create an invisible wall. (Bad enough that we have a glass ceiling, now walls, too?) And behind that wall, women get quietly excluded from the informal moments where relationships are built and careers actually advance. Nobody intended it, but everyone feels it.
Here's the thing: we don't want to be objectified, and we don't want to be ignored. We want to be colleagues. We want to be included in the banter, the brainstorming, the after-work plans. We want you to feel comfortable talking to us (and yes, joking around with us) the same way you would with your guy friends.
Because here's the honest truth: the way you act with the guys shouldn't be offensive to women. If it is, that's worth reflecting on. But if it isn't? Relax. We want in on that too.
A useful gut-check: "Would I say this to Dave?" If yes — a genuine compliment, a joke, an invitation to grab lunch — go ahead. The standard shouldn't change based on gender.
And on compliments specifically: there's a real difference between "You look great today" and "That presentation was really sharp — the way you handled the Q&A especially." One notices her appearance (which could be fine, if you’re already on good terms). The other comment frames her as a professional. We notice the difference, and while the first depends on our level of friendship, the second is always appreciated.
The men who worry most about coming across as performative are, in our experience, the ones least likely to be. The fact that you're thinking about it at all is a pretty good sign.
When men quietly slip out for a school pickup or a doctor's appointment (framing it as "a quick errand" or "an external meeting") it reinforces the idea that serious professionals don't have caregiving responsibilities, which makes it harder for us to be honest about ours without being judged for it.
If you're leaving for your kid's soccer game, just say so. "I'm heading out at three for the school run — back online at six." It sounds small, but every time a man normalizes it, it gets a little easier for the rest of us to do the same.
There's an important difference between mentorship and sponsorship. Mentorship is giving advice. Sponsorship is putting your name behind someone when they're not in the room.
Professional women are often over-mentored and under-sponsored. If a new project comes up and you immediately think of a male colleague, pause for a second. Is there a woman on your team who's equally — or better — qualified? Say her name out loud in that meeting. "I've been watching how [Name] handled the [Project]. I’m confident she's the right person for this." That's the kind of workplace allyship that actually moves careers forward.
We'll keep working on our confidence, our negotiation skills, our leadership presence. We're not stopping any of that.
But we'd love it if we didn't have to do all of that and fix the room at the same time.
This International Women's Day — don't just buy us flowers. Help us rearrange the furniture.
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"Workplace Feminism for Men” was written by Brenda de Jong-Pauley, MA, Director, The English Center, and Alexandra Roberts, BA, English trainer, for International Women’s Day, March 2026
