The language of diplomacy is a cultural construct that tells us what to say and how to say it in social and professional situations. Diplomacy tells us how to be polite and show respect while still communicating in a clear manner. While most children learn diplomatic language from their parents, and later in school, ideas of what is and is not polite vary widely between languages and their associated cultures.
Does your team need to speak more diplomatically? Discover more about our customized In Company English training.
Because English has become the preferred language of international business, we find ourselves at a moment in history where international workers are using English without the attendant knowledge of good manners and diplomacy. And for those working in Hospitality/HORECA (hotel, restaurant and cafe) and other intensely customer facing businesses, diplomatic English is a necessity.
Knowing a set of diplomatic phrases is not enough, however. L2 speakers must understand the context and underlying intent, which is often to show empathy – and try to access these feelings within themselves. Without that grounding, diplomatic language can sound fake and forced, which is almost worse than no diplomacy at all.
Many cultures are much more direct than English-speaking cultures. Directness, for example, in Dutch culture is seen as a strength, a sign of openness and honesty. However, if you translate the phrase that you are likely to say in Dutch in a difficult situation word-for-word into English, it usually sounds blunt and rude, far too direct for most English-speaking cultures. When speaking in English, especially in customer service situations, respect is shown differently. While the need to be honest is still present, there must also be consideration taken towards cultural differences and the ways in which respect is given and received.
While diplomatic language begins with “please and thank you” plus the occasional apology, these words are just the beginning.
Would you like to practice your business etiquette in an online or in-person business English intensive? Contact The English Center about a free appointment or ask us about our custom course offerings. Call +31 20 823 0569
From the time we first make requests, we receive lessons in diplomacy. Please and thank you are the first lessons most of us receive. But diplomacy at this level is just the bare minimum of human respect. By kindergarten age, most children have mastered these phrases.
And while we learn many important life skills in kindergarten, there are many more techniques, tools, and tips that you need to use when working in client-facing sectors, such as HORECA (hotels, restaurants, and cafes). In the tourism industry, dealing with complaints, making apologies, and delivering bad news are common communication skills necessary for success. After all, it’s not just when things run smoothly that you have to impress the client with your diplomacy. It’s when things go wrong that diplomacy is really a life saver.
That’s why The English Center has created a guide outlining diplomatic business English phrases that you can pull from for problem solving when things, in fact, do go wrong. For 10 difficult situations, we provide an omnibus of go-to sentence starters for you to put in your bag of customer service magic tricks to smooth over and calm even the most hard-to-please client.
In every category, we’ll provide example sets of too direct vs. diplomatic phrases in English.
Instructions: Read the phrases below and note the contrast. Let’s dive in!
Sometimes we don’t fully understand what a client is asking for, or we need more information in order to give them what they want. Let’s take a look at five “too direct” phrases for asking for clarification and replace those phrases with more diplomatic ones.
Direct: You did not give me enough information. Tell me more.
Diplomatic: Please provide me with more details so that I can resolve this issue.
Direct: You asked for a reservation for the first week of December, but now you are talking about different dates.
Diplomatic: There seems to be some conflicting information regarding your reservation dates. Please clarify your arrival and departure dates so that we can correctly complete your reservation. Thank you!
Direct: I can’t look up your information without your name. Give it to me.
Diplomatic: I’m happy to assist you today. In order to look up your account, may I please have your name?
Direct: If you want room service, you have to pay for it. Give me your credit card number.
Diplomatic: I’m happy to help you place your room service order. We just need to put a credit card on file for billing purposes. May I have your card number, please?
Direct: You can’t file a complaint against an employee without their name. Give me their name.
Diplomatic: I’m sorry you’ve had a poor experience with our staff, and I’m happy to help rectify the situation. Do you know the employee’s name, or can you remember what they look like?
Sometimes the client gives the information you need, but you aren’t sure you understand what they are saying because they spoke too fast or have a difficult-to-understand accent or gave you too much information at once. There are several ways to check for understanding to ensure you can solve their problem quickly and efficiently.
Direct: You’re speaking too fast. Slow down.
Diplomatic: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat that a bit more slowly?
Direct: Your accent is so thick, I can’t understand you. Did you say your room number is 121?
Diplomatic: I’m sorry, did you say Room 121, as in one-two-one?
Direct: We don’t have a Room 121. You’re confused.
Diplomatic: I’m sorry. I think I must have misunderstood. Perhaps I can check your room number with your name…?
Direct: Do you want your chicken fried or grilled?
Diplomatic: Would you prefer your chicken fried or grilled?
Direct: I don’t understand you. What do you mean, someone else has your room?
Diplomatic: I understand that you walked into your room and someone else was inside…? Oh my. We’ll get this cleared up right way. Please let me check the register.
Does your team need to speak more diplomatically? Read more about our customized In Company training.
Unfortunately, sometimes delivering bad news is inevitable. We can’t make available some service or product a client would like due to conditions that we personally have no control over. We may be able to pass a complaint up the chain of command and hope for a different result for the next customer, but it doesn’t change the fact that whatever your customer needs, you cannot provide. When it’s time to deliver bad news, do so with grace and diplomatic style, and even though you can’t fix everything, your empathy and kindness will go a long way to smoothing ruffled feathers.
Direct: No vacancies.
Diplomatic: Unfortunately, we don’t have any rooms this weekend due to the conference. We can however, recommend a great hotel just a few blocks from here. Shall I ring them for you?
Direct: We are out of lobster. You need to pick something else.
Diplomatic: I’m afraid that we’ve sold out of the lobster this evening. May I recommend the salmon?
Direct: We don’t have this item in stock.
Diplomatic: While we don’t have this item in stock right now, it will be back in stock next week. Would you like to preorder it now?
Direct: You can’t bring your pet in here! Get that dog outside!
Diplomatic: I’m so sorry, but unless your dog is a service animal, we don’t allow pets. We do, however, have a recommendation for an excellent doggy hotel half a kilometer away where he can stay. Would you like their number?
Sometimes things go wrong, and when they do, customers complain. While rarely does a client who has had a good experience leave a rave review online, you can be sure that when mistakes are made, customers will rant and rave a lot. Before it gets to that point, nip it in the bud with some carefully chosen diplomatic phrases for handling customer complaints.
Direct: I can’t do anything to fix this.
Diplomatic: I understand how frustrating this must be. I’m so sorry that I am unable to help you with this issue.
Direct: It’s going to take a lot of time.
Diplomatic: We will try to have this resolved as quickly as possible. However, I do want to let you know that this may take a week or more.
Direct: Did you leave the “do not disturb” sign on your door? Well, that’s why your room wasn’t cleaned. Next time, don’t do that.
Diplomatic: Our housekeeping staff noted that the “do not disturb” sign was hanging on the door, so they did not enter your room. Would you like me to see if someone is available to clean it now?
Direct: Your toilet is broken now too? Didn’t I just talk to you about your AC, and it turned out you just hadn’t turned it on? Do I need to show you how to use the toilet, too?
Diplomatic: Oh, that won’t do! I’ll send someone right up to take a look at the toilet.
Direct: The extra charges on your bill are from room service and all the liquor, wine and beer from the mini fridge.
Diplomatic: According to our records, the room service and mini fridge items total $500. This accounts for the extra charges on your bill. Would you like a detailed receipt?
We negotiate for many things in life, from deciding which movie we want to see with our friends, to buying a car or house, to hammering out a vendor contract, to asking for a raise. When we negotiate diplomatically, we are looking for win-win situations – ones where all parties benefit. Let’s discuss a few specific scenarios and how to handle them diplomatically.
Direct: You need to lower your prices.
Diplomatic: I understand that you need to make a profit, but I also need to stay within my budget. Can we meet in the middle?
Direct: I deserve a raise, so give me one!
Diplomatic: I believe that I bring a lot of value to the company. Based on that, I would like to talk to you about a salary increase. Can we set a time to do that?
Direct: I’m don’t want A. I only want B. Give me B.
Diplomatic: I really prefer Option B. Can you please confirm that I will get B?
Direct: You need to compromise. Don’t be so stubborn.
Diplomatic: Let’s look for a compromise and find a deal that we can both live with. What do you think about…?
Direct: You are totally inflexible about the payment options.
Diplomatic: Let’s talk about some flexibility with the payment options.
Whether we’re arranging a meeting or letting someone know we can’t make it, when we do so with diplomacy in mind, we’re more likely to get the result we want; a successful meeting or event.
Direct: Meet me tomorrow at 2 pm. We need to discuss something important.
Diplomatic: Could you please meet me tomorrow at 2 pm? We have something important to discuss.
Direct: I’m busy then. I will set another time.
Diplomatic: Unfortunately, 2 pm doesn’t work for me. Can we find another time?
Direct: Meet at 5 pm tomorrow. Don’t be late!
Diplomatic: Five works for me as well. I’ve added it to my calendar and sent you a confirmation.
Direct: I will not be there at 5.
Diplomatic: I’m afraid I’m running late due to traffic. Can we meet at 5:30?
Direct: I’m not waiting that long! Forget it!
Diplomatic: I’m afraid I can’t wait any longer. Let’s reschedule for another day. When are you free?
Sometimes people ask for our advice outright. Sometimes we take it upon ourselves to offer unsolicited advice. Whichever the situation, if we deliver that advice or suggestion in a positive, uplifting, and friendly way, whether it’s when dealing with a customer, a boss, a colleague, or a loved one, they’re more likely to follow it.
Direct: You need to quit your crappy job.
Diplomatic: Does this company have what you’re looking for? If not, maybe it’s time to consider a change.
Direct: Don’t stay on the third floor. There’s a bachelor party going on, and it’s super loud.
Diplomatic: Might I suggest the fifth floor? Our third floor is occupied with a pre-wedding celebration, and the fifth floor will offer you a quieter stay.
Direct: That hat looks ridiculous. Take it off.
Diplomatic: I love your suit, but I’m not sure it goes well with your hat. Maybe you should skip the hat…?
Direct: You need to learn to work with him, even if you don’t like him.
Diplomatic: It’s always frustrating to work with someone you would never choose to interact with outside of work. Can you put aside your differences and focus on the job? You both enjoy this work. Maybe you can find common ground on that.
Direct: You can’t just quit! You need to keep your commitments.
Diplomatic: I know things are very stressful for you right now, but can you maybe at least continue part time? How can we support you so that you want to stay?
Sometimes others need help. Sometimes we need help. When it’s time to ask or be asked, do you know what diplomatic phrases to use? Keep reading to find out!
Direct: You can’t carry all that! You’re going to drop something.
Diplomatic: Oh, wow, that looks heavy. Please, let me give you a hand.
Direct: It took you long enough! Why didn’t you offer to help sooner?
Diplomatic: Why, thank you for your help! I really appreciate it.
Direct: Help me with this door!
Diplomatic: Could you please help me with this door? Thanks.
Direct: I can help, if you’d just let me.
Diplomatic: May I help you? I’d be happy to give you a hand.
Direct: No one asked you to help, but thanks, I guess.
Diplomatic: Thank you for your help.
Sometimes we are asked to help someone and don’t want to or don’t have the time, resources, or energy to. Sometimes people offer to help us, and we don’t want or need it. We can learn to decline help and decline to help with some very simple diplomatic phrases.
Direct: Stop! I don’t need your help! I can do it myself.
Diplomatic: It’s very kind of you to help, but it’s not necessary. I’ve got it, thanks.
Direct: I don’t have time.
Diplomatic: I’d love to help, but unfortunately, I am swamped right now. Can you ask someone else?
Direct: I don’t want to.
Diplomatic: I’m afraid that this assignment just doesn’t sound like something I’m interested in.
Direct: I don’t want you on this project.
Diplomatic: Thank you for volunteering for this, but I really need your skills elsewhere.
Direct: That’s a stupid idea, and I’m not helping with stupid ideas.
Diplomatic: I appreciate your enthusiasm for this idea, but I don’t think it’s going to work for me.
Not everything involved with diplomacy is dealing with a downer situation. Sometimes you can use diplomacy to heighten the delivery of good news or celebrate a momentous occasion. Use the following phrases to add even more fun and flair to any positive situation.
Direct: We met our KPIs this week. Good job, team. Do even better next week.
Diplomatic: Wow, look at those numbers, people! You have earned a pat on the back this week. Let’s knock it out of the park again next week!
Direct: We have upgraded you to a luxury suite. You’re really lucky, you know?
Diplomatic: Good news! We were just able to upgrade you to a luxury suite. Please enjoy your stay.
Direct: You are finally getting married? Well, it’s about time!
Diplomatic: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I know you’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, and it’s worth the wait when you finally find the right person. I hope you two are very happy together.
Direct: You’ve just won a free spa day. Book your spa services bow.
Diplomatic: Wow, this is exciting. You’ve won a free day at the spa! Would you like to book online, or would you like me to assist you with this?
Direct: You just got a promotion? I want a promotion. That’s not fair!
Diplomatic: Congrats on the promotion! I know you’re going to do well in your new position. I’m going to talk with management about my chances for a promotion, too. Wish me luck!
Beyond diplomatic phrases – a few words about the 7-38-55 rule
While the words we say are important, just as important — if not more so — is our tone of voice and nonverbal communication – gestures, posture, facial expressions, etc. Some communication experts call this the 7-38-55 rule, meaning that only 7% of your communication is through words, while 38% is tone of voice, and 55% is completely nonverbal. While the data science behind this is not at all precise, the majority of experts agree that how you say something is as important as what you say. When you are delivering diplomatic dialogue, remember to control your tone and your nonverbal communication as well as you control your verbal communication.
Would you like to practice your business etiquette in an online or in-person business English intensive course? Contact us for a free appointment and to hear about all of our course offerings, or we can custom create your private one-on-one course today!
Call +31 (0)20 823 0569
Read more about diplomacy with The English Center’s article, “Diplomatic English for Business.”
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Author: Krys Copeland
Editor: Brenda de Jong-Pauley
9-2022
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