It’s widely known that the Dutch are, in general, very direct – and proud of it! They are also skeptical – if not completely bewildered – by Anglo Saxon indirectness. This article is a guide for helping you increase your diplomatic English for business settings, especially when interacting with native-English speakers.
Have you ever been told you were too direct, not polite – or even rude? Then this post is for you.
Do you know the saying, “Treat others the way you want to be treated?” This simple but eternal wisdom is where diplomacy begins. Speaking diplomatically is not about formality or avoiding casual language. It is about good manners and polite, respectful, effective interactions. And, despite what you may have heard, real English diplomacy is neither fake nor weak.
But diplomacy has another driver, it gets things done. It “greases the wheels” of human interactions. So if just treating others kindly is not enough for you, that’s OK, because diplomacy is also self-serving. Have you ever heard the saying ‘kill them with kindness’? Approaching conversations with diplomacy and politeness can lead to a more positive interaction, ultimately helping you to get what you want. Offending people, in general, does not.
However, diplomacy is a code that is not easily understood. These 10 tips can help you better navigate this very important dimension of business communication.
Table of contents: Diplomatic English for Business – 10 tips
The examples below are diplomatic requests and suggestions that are understood as polite by native-English speakers. Comments like these “grease the wheels of communication” (facilitate communication). “Slijmerig!” say the Dutch. But what is too direct, or too fake and slimy (unctuous), is all “in the ear of the beholder” (A reference to the expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”) You can say…
Minimizing adjectives are often used in diplomatic English for business. We use these words to make something less negative. Combining these kind of adjectives with modal verbs is an excellent way of sounding more polite. Use these with discretion, if something is delayed for three weeks this must be conveyed directly!
Examples might include:
For matters big and small, take responsibility for your part in things that have inconvenienced or hurt others. Saying “sorry” shows that you care if you have caused trouble, done damage or offended someone. “Sorry,” when used correctly, expresses empathy and connectedness. It says, “I care.” You can say…
When you signal that an opinion is yours, and therefore perhaps not universal, perhaps not a fact, listeners will feel permitted to disagree, and that can actually help them relax and listen. Keep your tone neutral (not bragging) and say…
Saying please, thank you and generally expressing appreciation “goes a long way” (=has a lot of value) in building good business relationships. You can say statements such as:
Talking is like driving. You need to signal so that people know when you are going to change directions, especially from a positive to a negative opinion. In diplomatic English for business we ease people into a negative comment by using words like: but, but still, and however to show that a contradictory statement is coming.
Go on, find something sincerely positive that you can say, even if you are about to disagree or say something negative. Use a compliment before your criticize. For example:
These phrases can be used to preface your statement, even if you plan to disagree. They show respect and signal that you heard what the other person was saying. You can say…
You can use signal phrases when you need to give bad news. This prepares the listener for a negative message. You can say…
Remember to change what phrases you use and thus your politeness in order to be suitable for your audience. If you are overly polite you can sound pompous, insincere and even old fashioned!
Notice the different modals (or lack of!) used on these requests:
Communicating diplomatically will get you the results you want when managing a team, updating a procedure, addressing a problem, or closing a sale. Take the time to browse our courses to help you communicate diplomatically in English to get the results you want!
Author: Brenda de Jong-Pauley, Director, The English Center of Amsterdam, September 2020
Updated by: Eva, Business English Trainer, 31 October 2024
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